


You're too kind to the world (and I'm too harsh to you)

by starry_hyuns



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:08:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24036364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starry_hyuns/pseuds/starry_hyuns
Summary: Renjun is afraid to love, while Jaemin loves too much.ORRenjun and Jaemin speaks different love languages but they understand each other, and that is enough.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 44





	You're too kind to the world (and I'm too harsh to you)

**Author's Note:**

> To the person who reads this:  
> No matter how complicated you are, someone will love you just the way you are.

Renjun isn’t a type who likes ignoring his feelings, nor denying it, so he knows when he fall in love with someone, but this, this isn’t supposed to happen. He’s not supposed to fall in love with Na Jaemin, no, he can’t fall in love with Na Jaemin because he once fall in love with his own best friend and it took the wrong turn – Renjun fucking lost his best friend because his stupid feelings, and Renjun don’t want to lose Jaemin. He lost once, he lost his best friend once and it hurts as hell, so he don’t want to go through it anymore.

_‘Holy fuck,’_

That’s all Donghyuck replied when Renjun texted him a really long paragraph, at this point, to be saying it is an essay is not an overreacting action. Donghyuck was asking what Renjun felt towards Jaemin, and he sent a picture of Jaemin doing volunteer works – smiling widely while looking at the kids. Renjun was so overwhelmed, so he wrote that, and send it to Donghyuck, only to regret it after.

To be honest, Donghyuck knows him the best after Jaemin – despite of them just meeting for around two years as they shared the same room, course and classes ( _“Are you obsessed with me?” “I can’t get used to this new environment, so I stick with you, my beloved roommate.” “You’re an extrovert for fuck sake,”)_ and Donghyuck probably know him better than his high school classmates. This means something – because almost all of his high school classmates knows Renjun at least around 8 years. Living in small places has it owns pros and cons – the pros is, for an introvert, you don’t have to make new friends; but the cons is, it’s suffocating sometimes.

Renjun leave Sineup-dong, Pocheon after 9 years, as he got into SNU. But he didn’t leave alone, he brought Jaemin, who enrolled into SNU together with him.

Renjun first meet Jaemin when they were 10, it wasn’t a really nice meeting. Renjun was chasing over the person who killed his pet by accident (rest in peace, my beloved hamster) and bumped with Jaemin. He thought he’s going to get yelled at, because most of people did – especially after he made Jaemin dropped his lunch tray, but Jaemin just smiled and reach out his hand to Renjun to help the older stand up.

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“It’s okay, I can take new one. I’m Jaemin,”_

Renjun didn’t know why Jaemin introduced himself at that inappropriate moment, but Renjun just nod and returned his smile.

_“I’m Renjun.”_

Renjun didn’t know that they’re going to be friends for a long, long time – he never knew Sineup-dong is this small to the point he has the same friends from elementary in his middle school, and even for high school. Only a few people changes, some of them left to go to Seoul, and some moved here, but most of them are just same faces that Renjun can tell each other apart just by the way they breathe.

_‘You’re truly in love with him,’_

Donghyuck added, and Renjun sighs before burying his face into his pillow. Yes, he’s in love with Jaemin. It’s a fact that Renjun realized when they’re 17, and Renjun was shouting his name on top of his lungs – cheering for Jaemin who at that time, representing the school in a mini triathlon. Renjun re-reads his long text to Donghyuck, before cursing himself. _Stupid, stupid, idiot._ Renjun is frustrated with himself and he let it out by kicking the blanket.

_‘When will you come back, give me some advice to like, stop falling in love with him or something.’_

Renjun typed before sending it to Donghyuck, he felt a bit lonely since he’s not here. Donghyuck joined Jaemin in doing community services, and he asked Renjun to join but he dismissed the offer by saying he got plenty of works to be done.

_‘Stop falling in love? With Jaemin? Nuh-uh, that’s not going to happen,’_

_‘I need to go now, I’ll be back at 8 or something around that,’_

Renjun replied to him, asking what he meant by that’s not going to happen – but he didn’t get any response back, even after a few hours. He figured out they must be really busy, handling the kids isn’t that easy. Renjun knows, because he’s familiar to kids as when his mom adopted Jisung, he was 14, and Jisung was 4. Now Jisung is 11, and he keep bugging Chenle – another adopted siblings – to talk to Renjun because Jisung didn’t have his own phone yet.

Renjun is the only child at first, but when he’s 6, his mom adopted Chenle that is a year younger than him with saying that Renjun need friends. His father was against it, at first, but then he was okay.

But everything almost went downhill when his mom adopted Jisung. His parents keep fighting – shouting at each other, throwing things and sometimes his mom got a few bruises, or his dad would get some cuts. Jisung, who barely know anything cried whenever they fight and he would be startled every single time his parents’ shouts – so he would bring Jisung into his room, play with him, tuck him to sleep, feed him and even bath him. Technically, Renjun raised Jisung that year – maybe that will explain why Jisung grow so attached to Renjun.

That year, was probably the worst year for him, he even give a thought on ending his life but he keep holding on because of Jisung. Jisung, who just started to know the world. Jisung, who waited for Renjun to come home and runs to give him a hug when he opened the door. Jisung, who said ‘I love you, hyung,’ while wiping Renjun’s tears away, to comfort him when Jisung had no idea of what’s going on.

And Jaemin.

Jaemin is the only person he talks to in his class during that year. Jaemin is his only lab mate, lunch mate, and club mate. Renjun actually didn’t know what goes on in his class, it just happen so suddenly – one day, Renjun come to class and nobody except Jaemin talks to him. Everyone treated like he didn’t exist, but Jaemin treat him differently. That’s when Renjun starts to shut people out from his life, and didn’t open up – even to Jaemin. Jaemin didn’t forced him to open up, Jaemin just stayed by his side and assured that he won’t leave Renjun, no matter what happened. And Jaemin stick true to his words. Even when Renjun forced him to go away, Jaemin will smile and still sit down next to him.

Later that year, Renjun learnt that his own best friend – Chaewoo, was the reason of why his classmates won’t talk to him. Renjun rejected Chaewoo, despite having mutual feelings, because Renjun was so sure that he’s going to move back to China. His parents had mentioned about divorcing and Renjun want to follow his dad, and his dad planned to go back to China. Long distance relationship is hard and Renjun might not be able to see him again.

So Chaewoo was very bitter, calling Renjun a coward and disclosed his darkest secrets to his classmates.

The very next year, Chaewoo apologized to him – and his mom said that it’s better to forgive, than to dwell about it, so he did. But everything didn’t return back to normal, Renjun has trust issues to his classmates and since then, he feels like he didn’t belong there.

But he feel free here, in SNU. He feel like he belong here. Being with a carefree Donghyuck make Renjun feels like he should start trusting people again, and Donghyuck never disappointed him. He is happy, happiest even – compared to when he was in high school. He got himself a very supportive circle; **_Minhyung_** , or famously known as **_Mark_** is a person who Renjun enjoys teasing, **_Jeno_** , is his classmate that let he do stupid things and sometimes warned them to not too but he end up joining it, **_Donghyuck_** , his crazy roommate, **_Yang Yang_** , the idiot who excels in studies despite doing the dumbest things (who the hell cook their ramen and eat it with cereals? Yes. Yang Yang did that,) and his current best friend, **_Jaemin_**.

Sometimes, Renjun didn’t admit that they’re his friends, especially when they were embarrassing him by yelling out his name loudly when it’s Renjun’s turns to speak during debate. But they’re his close friends, no, **_his second family_** – the one that who will comfort him whenever he had a breakdown, the one that do stupid things together with him, and the one who motivates him to keep going.

Renjun stared at the blank ceiling, reminiscing all the things that he went through. So that’s what his mom meant by choosing a good circle will bring the best out of him, and the toxic one will put him in his worst state. He finally get the idea now. Why his mom insisted to stay in Sineup-dong and fights with his dad who wants to go back to China. It’s because his family in China was very judging, and toxic at some point, and living there will make things become worst.

Renjun laughs, remembering on how his very own aunt was trying to wreck his family. Thank god, his parents didn’t divorce. His dad, who used to listen to Renjun’s aunt as she’s the one who raised him, had a change of heart and tried to work it out with his mom. Everything become well, after that, they no longer fights, Jisung become closer to his dad and Renjun finally returns to a place he can call home.

_“Renjun, wake up.”_

Renjun stirred, before his eyes slowly fluttered open and he is greeted with Jaemin who’s smiling widely at him.

_“Where’s Donghyuck?”_

_“He’s at the café. Have you eaten?”_

Renjun shake his head, before sitting and looked at the clock. It’s 9 p.m., meaning that they just got back around an hour ago.

_“Let’s go to café then, the rest are there. I’ll wait for you at outside,”_

_“Okay,”_

Renjun changed his clothes, dressed up in something warmer and thanked Jaemin for waiting, before both of them walked together to the café.

Jaemin playfully nudges his shoulder, and Renjun nudged it harder. Jaemin returned it, a bit harder but is careful enough to not make Renjun fall. Both of them then broke into giggles, and Renjun asked him how his day was. Jaemin, without hesitating, told him everything excitedly with hand motions. Renjun listens to him while smiling, wondering if Jaemin knew how cute he is when he’s excited like this.

_“And, Donghyuck said that you have something to talk to me,”_

Renjun cursed under his breath, that’s why Donghyuck sends Jaemin to wake him up. He was trying to give some space for both of them so Renjun can talk about his feelings. But that’s definitely not going to happen, because Renjun can be sappy and romantic only over texts, not by saying it out loud.

_“Ah, I was just thinking about old times.”_

_“We’re just 21,”_

_“7 years ago is still old time,”_

Jaemin just chuckled, before nodding, agreeing with whatever Renjun said.

_“Do you think if that incident didn’t happen, I will become a person like now?”_

Renjun looks at Jaemin, and Jaemin smiled at him.

_“Sometimes I wonder what’s going on in your head, Renjun-ah.”_

_“I’m serious. Like, you know I’m not like this before. You know how delicate and soft I am back then, how happy-go-lucky I was.”_

_“You weren’t that soft,”_

_“I cried over my hamster for three days.”_

_“You still cry over it,”_

_“That’s not the point!”_

Renjun whines as Jaemin is teasing him, drifting them away from their original topic.

_“I was, a bit harsh and sharp-tongued too back then. But I wasn’t like this. I wasn’t a type of being outspoken, or a fighter, whatever that fits the description. I wonder what will happen to me if that Chaewoo didn’t do that,”_

_“But looking at the bright side, thanks to him, you learned on how to fight, don’t you? To speak out, about mistreatment you have. You’ve become braver, and you even able to protect Jeno, from his fangirls too.”_

_“I was just, wondering.”_

_“Injunnie,”_

Jaemin looks at him, and stopped walking, so Renjun halts his movement and returned the eye-contact.

_“I will still be your friend no matter what, you know? Even if that incident didn’t happen. I accept you just the way you are, Jun. Plus, I envy you sometimes. You are brave, outspoken, and cute.”_

_“Oh, fuck off,”_

_“I know you liked me calling you cute,”_

Renjun just rolled his eyes and resume his steps, both of them arrived at the café shortly after and Donghyuck was looking at him with full of anticipation.

_“So?”_

_“Nothing happens, if that’s what you’re asking for.”_

Donghyuck groans in frustration, before staring at Renjun who’s queuing up to buy his dinner with Jaemin. An idea popped up in his mind, and his lips tugged in half, smiling while thinking about the idea.

**_Maybe Renjun needs some liquid luck and a plan._ **  
  
---  
  
**Friday.**

Renjun isn’t a party person, hell, he only come to occasion when he need to and only for the college coupons because there’s no way he’s going to rent a room outside with strangers when he can stay inside and be with Donghyuck. But Donghyuck keep bugging him to go to this particular party, maybe because it’s theatre club that hosted it and Donghyuck is a part of the committee member. So Renjun, being a good friend, willing to go after Donghyuck bugged him non-stop for 3 days.

_“Do you want to get wasted tonight?”_

_“No,”_

_“Come on, I want to see drunk Renjun again.”_

_“No, Donghyuck. I need to throw my favourite sweatshirt because it stinks and the smell won’t go away. Thanks to me being wasted and throwing up on my own sweatshirt.”_

_“But,”_

_“I will drink, but a bit. Okay?”_

_“Okay.”_

But somehow, Donghyuck managed to make Renjun drink more than he should – and he told Renjun to text him if he want to go home because he need to handle something.

_‘Jun.’_

_‘You’re on the phone right?’_

_‘Can you read this message?’_

_Stupid_ , Renjun thought when Donghyuck texted him like that. But Renjun too drunk to protest, so he texted back, saying yes.

_‘Okay good. I need you to be serious with me. What do you feel about Jaemin,’_

_‘Jaemin?’_

And Renjun send the ungodly long texts again, before he knocked out.

_“Lee Donghyuck!”_

Renjun yelled, waking up his roommate instantly. Donghyuck looked at him dumbfoundedly, before Renjun shoved his phone on Donghyuck’s face.

_“It’s your doing, right?! Donghyuck what, why did you do that? Now what will Jaemin think of me? Fuck!”_

Donghyuck’s little tactic was, to make sure Renjun drunk text about Jaemin to Jaemin. So he steal Jaemin’s phone, to ask him about it, and Renjun fell for that. Because Donghyuck changed the contact number, for Jaemin – from **_Na Jaemin_** to **_my annoying roommate hyuck._**

_“Aren’t you supposed to thank me or,”_

_“No? Fuck you,”_

_“Renjun, he loves you.”_

Renjun shake his head, there’s no way Jaemin loves him in the way he did. Donghyuck sighs, pulling his roommate to sit down and looked at Renjun’s upset face properly.

_“Wait for his response.”_

_“He probably blocked me or something,”_

_“Huang Renjun,”_

_“What if he hates me,”_

_“Renjun. It’s Na Jaemin we’re talking about. He won’t hate you.”_

Right, it’s Na Jaemin they’re talking about. Jaemin, who told him that he would accept Renjun just the way he is. Donghyuck calmed Renjun down by cuddling him and both of them spend their time watching Spirited Away, before Renjun heard his phone bursting with notifications. He looked at Donghyuck in horror, and Donghyuck give him an assuring smile before Renjun checks his phone.

**_From; Na Jaemin._ **

_‘Wow,’_

_‘Renjun are you, for real?’_

_‘You, drunk texted me, don’t you?’_

_‘Do you want to talk about this?’_

_‘Text me when you’re sober,’_

_‘I’m sober.’_

_‘It’s the drunk text, but it’s the truth,’_

Renjun quickly throws his phone away after, but still looking forward and nervous as hell while waiting for his reply.

_‘Oh.’_

_‘Wait for a minute, I’ll get back to you,’_

“I told you, he didn’t like me!”

“He told you to wait, don’t make assumptions, please,”

Donghyuck sighs, and Renjun keep on panicking – making he have a hard time in order to calm Renjun down. And then, there’s an incoming text from Jaemin.

**_From; Na Jaemin._ **

_‘Renjun, I love you too. While you keep downgrading yourself and busy praising others for being able to do something you cannot do, I was busy praising you. I love the way how you never hesitate to come out in front and fight to protect someone. Sure, you’re mean, you’re harsh, your tongue sometimes sharper than swords. But I know, behind it, you were just trying to protect yourself. Behind it, you’re a person who loves people without asking for something in returns. Behind it, you’re a warm person. The warmest person that I ever know._

_You put on a harsh appearance because you’re afraid to get hurt, you don’t want to go through all of that ever again. You keep pushing people away because you wanted only people who wants to stay, will stay with you. You’re afraid to love, but when you do, you love so much. I saw how your eyes sparkles when you’re proud of Mark winning the music competition. I saw how your eyes is filled with love when you look at Jisung. Your sharp tongue was a defence, so that people didn’t easily come into your life and left, right?_

_I love how your eyes seems like they hold an entire galaxy when you’re busy talking about outer space with me, and was very excited about it. I love it too much to the point you can talk about it until my ears fall off and I still be listening. Anything for the galaxy in your eyes._

_Renjun, you were never too harsh for me. And will never be._

_I know behind, ‘go and get something to eat, if you want to die early, make sure you give all your money to me,’ you were worrying about me. I know behind, ‘I hope you get struck by lightning,’ when I was playing football in rain, you too, worried about me. Both of us didn’t speak the same love language, but I’ve come to understand yours and you too have understand mine._

_You’re too good for the world, the world isn’t ready to have a person like you who will fight against this cruel world no matter what it takes in order to protect the one you love._

_You’re too pure to the world, the world isn’t ready to answer the questions to your wonders._

_You’re too naive to the world, you stand up for what you believe in and the world doesn’t like that in you. That’s why bad things happened to you. That’s why society try to mold you. But you stick to yourself, and you, are probably the truest person that I’ve ever seen._

_I love you. Your flaws, your perfections, everything. I accept you the way you are, Huang Renjun._

_Would you like to be my boyfriend?’_

Renjun cried while reading the message, and Donghyuck who reads it together with Renjun too, cried.

_“Fuck this shit you make me feel lonely,”_

_“What do I say after this,”_

_“Say yes, you idiot. Oh my god, my renjunnie finally got himself a boyfriend,”_

As soon as Renjun said yes, someone knocked at their door and Donghyuck cursed whoever that knocked the door because their crying session doesn’t end yet – only to found it’s Jaemin.

_“Oh, Renjun’s boyfriend. Hello,”_

Jaemin’s ears turned to red, and Donghyuck moves to give him some space to walk into their room.

_“Jun? You’re crying? Oh my god, I didn’t mean to make you cry,”_

_“Shut up,”_

Jaemin kneeled down on the floor, looking at Renjun who’s struggling to wipe his tears away while hugging his Moomin plushie.

_“Renjun, I love you.”_

Like magic, Renjun’s tears stopped rolling down and his face turned red as tomato – he throw his Moomin plushie at Jaemin for saying that. Jaemin laughed, knowing that Renjun didn’t mean any harm, maybe he was too flustered to react and all he can do is throw the plushie.

_“I love you too.”_

Renjun and Jaemin ends up cuddling while continue watching Spirited Away, and even if Donghyuck feel like he’s being left out and third wheeling them, he’s happy.

_“Stop giving him small kisses on his temples! Stop making me feel single!”_

And maybe Donghyuck is a bit jealous.

**END.**

**_From; the warmest person I know, Renjun._ **

_‘Jaemin?’_

_‘Do you ever look at someone and feel the need to combust while looking at them because how can a perfect person like them exist; a whole boyfriend material, husband material, so loving, so gentle towards the world, and have the biggest heart, the most shining smile, the eyes that hold entire galaxy, and he glows like a star. A very bright one. How can someone be so understanding, trying to match himself with someone's love language and try to teach them to understand his own, didn't question a thing when someone come over and cry, he just comfort and then he never forces you to let it out to him. He respects you, your personal space. But he will tease you too, while minding the boundaries. How can someone perfect like him exist? How a person like him can loves so much and take care of others more than he take care of himself?’_

_‘That’s how I feel about him.’_

_‘God, I love Jaemin so much.’_

_‘But I’m too harsh for him and he’s too kind to the world,’_

_‘Do you think that he will love me too, Hyuck?’_

**_-sent on Friday, 12.59 a.m._ **


End file.
